Chapter 15 – Flooding

*Cobbler was a member of Thy Old English Club in high school and thus able to converse in old English
**Cobbler had ran out of things to say in old English but had plenty to say as a pirate
^Not available at really big city for $9π/7

The tsetse flies were saved from their inability to sleep and immediately celebrated by sleeping though the entire day of Jumpbary. Throughout the village cobbler could hear the sounds of sleeping flies, the calmed breathing, the loud snoring, and the gurgling and choking of flies drowning in the rising waters. Cobbler suddenly realized something was amiss, why were the screams and cries of flies talking in their sleep? Cobbler realized another thing, he was standing in a foot of water (the lack of sleep has made Cobbler a bit slow). Cobbler needed to warn the all the sleeping flies but how could he? They were all asleep and it would be rube for him to wake them all up just to tell them not to drown, but on the other hand it would be a bit rube to let them all die. Cobbler decided that he would consult the book of random rudeness.

‘When at someone else’s house for dinner, it is rude to raid the fridge using an air strike force, however a land or sea one is not.’

Seeing as a sea strike force is considered to be polite Cobbler decided that he would not wake up the flies as he would be interfering with the actions of the polite water.
“Ye olde BWAHAHA!!!” screamed a surprisingly sophisticated sounding voice “Thy vile strongholds of mass art no match for the immense constitutional properties of this water!”
“Forsooth it doth be Puddenhead” cried Cobbler* “Thy vile tricks shall come to no avail!”
“Oh Ye of little intellectual standing” retorted Puddenhead “You are a blind follower of the evil gravity and thus I pay you no heed. Thine words are bold but thy allegiance is misplaced, for gravity doth be the most vile thing of all creation! It doth go against the very core of what is right and thus must be eliminated post hast!”
“Avast ye scurvy lawyer**!” exclaimed Cobbler “You are just here to plunder and pillage, all in the name of saving our village!”
“Thy rhyme is impressive but thy argument is not, do you not know the reasons for my actions? The forces of gravity are indeed still strong, although the destruction of the earth hath weakened it. There still resides a stronghold of vile gravity in this place and thus it must be defeated. In order to do this noble deed I decided to use the vile force against itself, I shall cover the gravity with water that will weight down on it and crush it into oblivion.” And with that Puddenhead pulled out a big box of dehydrated water^ and dumped it into the rising flood waters, causing it to flood faster.
“Arr, ye trickery will be tolerated no more, I challenge ye to a duel, TO THE DEATH (or a really bad side ache)” At this Cobbler pulled out his emergency medieval lawyer versus pirate tsetse fly dueling kit.
“Thy words boast of valor but thy appearance tells a different story. I accept thy challenge but shall warn thee that you shall fall prey to my superior skill, FORSOOTH!!” at this Puddenhead charged screaming at Cobbler with such force that Cobbler though about running, but then he looked down at his emergency dueling kit and something caught his eye. It was a soft fluffy looking feather and suddenly Cobbler remembered something, he had left his oven on, but then he remembered that he didn’t even own an oven, and then he remembered what he had really remembered, the tickle! (hehe ho hoo hap) Cobbler whipped out that feather and promptly tickled Puddenhead to death (or a really bad side ache). With the demise of Puddenhead (or his intense abdominal discomfort) the vile waters receded until they were needed again to do the bidding of a nefarious gravity hater (or maybe they just went for an early lunch). Cobbler rushed back to his village to save them from drowning and to show them of the amazing discovery he had remembered to discover.

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