*Cheesey poofs available for $58.95 wherever cheesey poofs are sold
Aaron set forth to accomplish his goal of stopping the tsetse flies nefarious acts, but first he had to develop a plan, a plan that would rid the world of the flies as well as end the suffering caused by his not very full stomach. In order to solve the latter (and possible the former) problem Aaron went forth for a quest of food. His journey took him far and wide (about 10 feet actually) until he stumbled upon an unusual structure, it was a small pyramid of sticks and other miscellaneous debris with a bright orange triangular chip balanced atop it. Immediately recognizing the chip as belonging to one of the major food groups of tasty (the others being not tasty and dirt) Aaron proceeded to abscond with the chip and commenced devouring it.
“How dare you?” squealed a high pitched little voice “that chip was a sacrifice to the grand chip, the sender of all things that crunch and turn one’s fingers orange!”
“Egads!” cried Aaron “your poorly developed religious view and ill-mannered retort have left me sounding much more eloquent and well spoken than I am usually portrayed!” Aaron decided that he had had enough of this bizarre persona being thrust upon him and proceeded to kidney “punch” the small Dorito altar into an even more disorganized pile of rubble and the “kidney” punched the small chip worshiper’s most vulnerable spot, his bag of sacrificial snack chips.
“Aaahh!” screamed the chipist “those chips still had two weeks before the ‘sacrifice for best freshness’ date! You have made a foolish mistake today, for you have incurred the wrath of the most powerful snack food industry” at this he pulled out his automatic snack summoner and pressed the button.
INSERT CHEESEY POOF!*
A man appeared in a fine business suit coated in a thin layer of bright orange nacho cheese flavored like substance.
“What horrors upon a snack food has occurred warranting summoning me, an agent of the chip?”
“This man has disgraced the chip, he destroyed my altar, ate my sacrifice and destroyed my bag of extra chips.”
“Surely more must have occurred to warrant my presence. Consuming the sacrifice means another chip must be purchased, likewise destruction of the altar means purchase of another ‘chip sacrifice made EZ’ kits (available at 8:44, all restrictions apply) and best of all, the destruction of your chip bag means yet another (and most expensive) purchase. If this is the only crime that this man has committed he is deserving of a metal of ‘employee of a weekness’ not one of punishment.”
“Woot!” interjected Aaron.
“Oh no, his crime is much worse than that” explained the chipist “this man here only ate one chip!”
“What?” cried the chip representative, “Nobody can eat just one! Take him away!” at this two crunchy chip slaves appeared. “You may care to know these people have been specially selected to arrest you, they are immune to your special kidney punches as they have had their kidneys removed!”
“Aw scuz!” cried Aaron, who was easily captured and put to work in the chip mines.