Chapter 28 – Impending Doom

*not to be confused with a Ted the unit of work.
**Stabbing is the fundamental cause of harm, all other sources of injury or death are a subset of stabbing.

With the search for a hero over it was just a matter of time until the entire world was destroyed. The tsetse flies had no one to stand in their way, and it would only be a matter of time before they decided they were not content to just tickle people to death! (or a really bad side ache) but that they wanted to rule the universe! (or the local neighborhood). With no constant stream of hero’s distracting them with cabbage and colors the flies would soon realize their immense power, being indestructible and all that, and use it to their advantage (as opposed to how they currently used it to their amusement). A full on war with the flies would result in devastating casualties. The flies had perfected the art of tickling people to death! (or a really bad side ache) which they called tickilling, which despite the name could not actually be used to cause the demise of a tick due to their incredibly surly nature. Mankind had spent literally a few hours trying to devise a way to defend against the tickill but to no avail, man would be powerless to stop the flies when they attacked.
Meanwhile in an entirely different location in both space and time, a Ted* was preparing his dinner. It was a simple meal, a little bit of chicken with a small roll and an assortment of steamed vegetables. However, despite it’s benign appearances the meal was hiding something devious, the vegetables contained a unusually high amount of cabbage, cabbage that happened to be very explosive. Unknowingly eating explosive vegetables carried the risk of tooth damage and exploding stomach syndrome.
Elsewhere more trouble was brewing. A large abandon warehouse was slowly filling with water. The sprinkler system had sprung a leak and started gushing water into the rooms. This warehouse had been used to store hazardous materials and thus was fairly well sealed, giving the water no place to go but up, and up it rose. As the water level increased the stress on the wall grew. Soon the force would be too much and the walls would give way sending a devastating wall of water through the city, washing it all out to sea leaving naught but soggy ruins in its wake.
In yet another poorly maintained and unsupervised part of town a man in a trench coat covering all but his ears had just acquired a lucky piece of oxygen. This was the final ingredient in his nefarious plot which would soon go into motion, which when completed would make him entirely immune to stabbing, and thus by extension invulnerable and immortal*. This power would be used gain complete control of the Universe (and the candy store) which he would then sell for massive profits only to repeat the process all over again. The constant cycle of new management and hostile takeovers would surely cause too much strain and the Universe (and the candy store) would implode. Despite the dangers the man planned to continue with the plan he had planned, as he had planned into the plan a plan for what to do if the plan did not go as planned. With all that planning behind him the man set out to carry out his nefarious scheme.

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